What to expect in nine months of creating a human being

Baby boy clearly has not gotten the message that it's time to move out. He is very warm, comfy and continuously held & fed inside thank you very much and he would like to extend his stay beyond his estimated day of eviction.

In waiting for baby boy to decide he wants to come out, I've been trying to constantly monitor my own "symptoms" to see if labor is imminent. Apparently, sometimes you can feel sick beforehand with flu-like symptoms. You can have a "bloody show" when the mucus plug comes out. You can have increasing Braxton-Hicks (practice) contractions. But it is more likely that you will have none of these! Anecdotal evidence from friends suggests that sometimes you feel more tired the day before - or that your face and fingers swell more in the week before. But that doesn't seem like much to go on since fatigue and swelling is common in all of late pregnancy.

In a nice parallel symmetry, this symptom-checking reminds me very much of the very first two weeks of this pregnancy - that period commonly know as the "two-week wait," when you could possibly be pregnant but can't yet get a positive pregnancy test result and every little abnormality is questioned and re-questioned. The problem with the 2 week wait is that it happens to also be that period of time when you get PMS if you aren't pregnant... and early pregnancy symptoms and PMS are remarkably alike. Go figure.

Given that, I thought I'd take a look back on the past 9 months. In particular, comparing what was I expecting and what was I questioning at the beginning, and how things actually panned out.


Early pregnancy symptoms
I am one of these lucky ones who doesn't really get any PMS, no cramps or anything.  I do tend to get a tad weepy and crave sweet, chocolatey things more than normal. So OF COURSE my early pregnancy symptoms included feeling a tad weepy and craving sweet, chocolatey things. But three things that I did have which I normally don't have (but which - again - some women will count among normal PMS symptoms) is feeling very tired, sore & tender breasts, and slight pain & pressure in my lower abdomen. I also, all of a sudden, had a strong aversion to tea & coffee in the morning, and beer & wine tasted so... weird and bad! (You will be happy to know that said aversions disappeared entirely by the third trimester. I chalk this up to my body's incredible ability to steer me away from substances that would have harmed baby boy's developing organs in the first and second trimesters - but I don't think this is such a common aversion to develop, so it probably won't happen to you.)
Basically, my advice for the two week wait is to just try not to symptom-check while waiting, and avoid all alcohol and reduce your caffeine consumption - just in case. First trimester is the most important time to not drink! 

"Morning" sickness
First of all, forget about the name. This is ALL DAY sickness. Well, for me it was all day. For others it strikes at particular times. But in no way delude yourself into thinking that it only happens in the morning. I suffered from almost constant nausea, and occasional bouts of actually being sick, from week 6 to week 18. I was unable to stomach most foods and particularly revolted by vegetables (go figure) and meat products (especially chicken - I couldn't walk by a KFC without wanting to vomit). My nausea was worse in the morning, and the only thing that made it better was if I ate something (cereal, crackers, or dried fruit) before getting up out of bed. And I mean, the only way it worked was if I ate something while still lying down, no getting up at all. Which means you need a co-operative husband, or the foresight to stack your nightstand.
If you also happen to suffer from nausea and sickness during your first trimester you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that your chances of having a miscarriage are lower than those who don't. Apparently the nausea is from all those good pregnancy hormones, and the creation of the placenta and your little guy or gal's major internal organs.
Given that, I've spoken with many other women who never suffered from any nausea at all. And no food aversions. At all. All I can say to them is GO AWAY, DON'T TALK TO ME, I DISLIKE YOU. If you think that is an extreme response then you clearly haven't ever had constant all-day nausea for 12 weeks in a row.

Other fun symptoms
Extreme fatigue and exhaustion in the first trimester. Really. Sleeping 10 hours at night AND taking a 2 hour nap. And then at week 16 when you're like, oh the pregnancy books say I should be energized since I'm in the fun second trimester stage, but oh I still feel like I got hit by a train, I must be iron-deficient! You're not! (Or at least I wasn't.) Your body is just beat from creating all major internal organs of a human being from scratch.
SPD or PGP - I won't talk about this here because it is NOT that common. The funny thing about pregnancy symptoms is, other than fatigue and weight gain, everyone's symptoms and experiences are going to be completely different and you will end up suffering from things no one's told you about. For example, I know a woman who has this extreme pregnancy rash that is so painful she has to take steroids to block the pain. And another who had such bad swelling her entire pregnancy that she won't get pregnant again. These are not "normal" but then again, nothing really is! The truth is, you can't know what to expect from your body until you've done it once. Not even your own mother's experience is a good indicator of what to expect. Expect the unexpected. But read that pregnancy bible "what to expect when you're expecting" anyway. At least that will give you a barometer of what KIND OF to expect.

Weight Gain
They say not to expect almost any gain in the first trimester, and then 1-2 lbs a week in the second and third trimesters. I gained a lot in the sixth and seventh months because I was SO HUNGRY, all the time. And I was kind of paranoid about not giving my baby the nutrients he needed. So I probably ate too much. Hmmm, scratch that, I DID eat too much. Add to that the fact that I couldn't exercise because of my SPD, and hello! you get a 50-lb pregnancy weight gain! But my friend gained 45 lbs, she gave birth in August, and she's already lost all of it except 5 lbs. SO. I have FAITH.

Baby bump
When will I show?? I must have googled that a milion times. The fact of the matter is that you most certainly will think you are showing long before you actually are showing. I thought I was showing at 17 weeks. I was kind of showing. I thought I was HUGE at 20 weeks. I was not. I was for sure showing at that point though. Although, I think most first-time women are not. I think the combination of my very short and narrow torso and loose abdominal muscles made me show earlier. For subsequent pregnancies you show much earlier.

Clothing
See weight gain. Don't over-buy. Don't buy anything at all in your first trimester. Trust me. Just take a hair tie and loop it through your jean button and wear them AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. You will miss them. Also what fits you in the second trimester almost certainly will NOT still fit you in the third. Your belly, the same one that is swimming in this "so huge!" maternity top at 24 weeks, will be busting out of it by 34. Trust me on this one. Luckily, by 34 weeks you kind of stop caring what you look like anyway. You also stop caring about the condition of those shirts that are not maternity but "I don't want to stretch them out so I'm going to not wear them". You wear them. And dream about what clothing you will buy to replace them once you no longer resemble a beached whale.


So as you can see, pregnancy is FUN! And totally different for everyone.

But I am so ready to not be pregnant anymore. Just for the record.

all I want for christmas.....

is baby! 

I'm in my 39th week of pregnancy this week (technically that's called 38 weeks pregnant here.) Either way it means only a few more days till my due date! If I make it there? Don't want to jinx it, but I feel like baby boy must be ready to meet the world. I just can't get any bigger! At the midwife appointment today she said I'm 3/5 engaged - which means baby's head is nestled nicely in the pelvis. Not that that means anything - first babies can engage a few weeks before birth or a few days, or even hours. We'll just have to wait and see! Waiting...
waiting,
waiting.

A look back...

Since the end of this pregnancy is now well in sight, I thought I'd take a look back... here's something I wrote before I found out I was pregnant...

March 30^th 2011

So I told my mom and my dad I thought I might be pregnant yesterday afternoon. I don’t know what got into me. Maybe it was because C was so late coming home, and I hadn’t spoken a single word to anybody all day long, but I called my mom and said “I think I might be pregnant.” I called my dad an hour later and basically said the same thing to him but in a much different way. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. My mom’s reaction was priceless.

Me: “I think I’m pregnant.”

Mom: “I know.”

Me: “What?!?”

Mom: “The psychic told me last week you were pregnant.”

Me: “But I didn’t know I was pregnant last week – and I still don’t actually know,  I just think!”

Mom: silence

Me: “Okay.”

Mom: “She said you’re having a boy.”

Me: “Cool.”

After hanging up with the psychic queen, I realized I hadn’t called my other parental half to inquire after his home-sale. I couldn’t really get too involved or exciting about the sale because I kept on thinking about how I might, might, might be pregnant. And then he started talking about coming to visit in September, and my mind starts working over-drive. < If he comes in September then he’ll have to come again in December when the baby would be due, and won’t  I be going home in August for a baby shower? > All these thoughts – mind you – predicated on a supposition that was and is far from proven fact! Needless to say, I blurted out, “Well, you know, there may be a reason for you to come over in December because I might be pregnant!” My dad followed this announcement with congratulations, which I quickly stemmed, reminding him that it was a big maybe!

Dad: “Well, are your checks rosy?”

Me: “That’s so funny because actually my checks have been really flushed the past few days.”

Dad: “I can always tell when a woman is pregnant because her checks are rosy.”

Me: “Really?”

Dad: “Sure I can!”

So, you see, my dad is a pregnancy seer! He lives in New Hampshire though, so fellow wanna-be-mums, you should be prepared for a long journey to undergo his rosy-cheek analysis. 

I ended up getting a very faint second line on a pregnancy test on the morning of April 8th (Day 27 of what is usually a 29 day cycle.) It was so faint that I took another test on the 10th just to be sure - a digital one, that clearly said 1-2 weeks pregnant! (Which really means 3-4 weeks because in crazy pregnancy math, you are "pregnant" while you are still having your last period; your pregnancy is dated starting from the first day of your last period.) My pre-positive test symptoms that led me to believe I was pregnant without proof of the test included: cramping (I normally don't get cramps ever); a sudden aversion to beer, wine, coffee and tea; feeling very sad and tired for no reason; and a stabby pain in my boobs. And then the nausea and extreme exhaustion started at week 6 and didn't fully let up until week 18. FUN. STUFF.

But now I'm 16 days from my due date - what a long journey its been, and what an incredible one is in store....

Full term!

I forgot to say that today I am officially* full-term at 37 weeks*!! Yay! That means if I go into labor today I can go to the birth center as baby boy is, medically-speaking, already all set for life outside the womb.

Did you hear that baby boy? You're officially fully developed and ready to meet us! It's your cue to arrive.... we're waiting patiently...

Because my pelvic pain is getting worse by the day, I don't think I'll be waiting as patiently in a weeks' time. Then it will be the hour for please-tell-me-every-single-old-wives-tale-about-inducing-labor-pretty-please-I'll-try-anything. Eating entire pineapples & mouth-searing curries, drinking raspberry-leaf tea, even watching The Bourne Identity (really?! something about the camera shaking...) will all be commenced shortly if baby boy hasn't come by next week. (Which, er, I don't think he will. I don't feel any special premonitions about the next week or two... Are you supposed to?)

Me and my basketball belly above. Apologies for my disheveled appearance. My wardrobe is seriously limited these days and always includes the stylish white pelvic-support belt you can see at the bottom of the picture - so fashionable, I know!


*My EDD based on the first day of my last period is December 18th - I like the sound of this date a lot better than my revised, official EDD (based on my 12 week ultrasound) which is December 20th, so I've been saying the 18th is my due date whenever anyone who isn't a medical professional asks. So unofficially I was full-term two days ago...

** I'm 37 weeks pregnant, which means I'm in my 38th week of pregnancy.

birth plans

I went to the water birth workshop at my hospital's birthing centre yesterday. It was - to employ local parlance - absolutely brillant!!! So informative - and whereas before I thought I would only want to labor in the pool but not give birth in it - now I 100% want to give birth in water. I think it will be especially helpful for me to be in the water to take weight off my poor dysfunctioning pelvis, I just need to be careful about getting in and out of the pool. It also is no problem that I have GBS and will need to have intravenous antibiotics every four hours throughout labor - they just put a rubber glove over the hand that has the cannula... still not sure how that keeps the water out, but if I have to just keep one hand out of the water I think I can deal with that. They also addressed all my other worries about water births. They have telemetric fetal monitoring which is waterproof and thus can be used to continuously monitor baby's heart-beat if need be. (Although I would prefer that, if everything is going normally, that they only monitor baby's heart-beat every 15 minutes. Intermittent monitoring is just as effective and results in fewer false alarms of fetal distress.) Some more embarrassing aspects of giving birth were also addressed. (Er, you know, contact me if you want to know more.) You don't have to get out of the pool at all. They examine you with a flashlight and a mirror while you're in the pool. You can also use gas & air while in the pool, and there is a shower head for some water massage! All in all it sounds just exactly how I want to go through this powerful, painful, wonderful, empowering, life-changing, life-giving experience.

I am so lucky to be giving birth in the UK where birthing centers and water births are integral, accepted and encouraged within the medical establishment. Where midwives run the show, view birth as a natural process, and have experience and enthusiasm for natural, non-medicated births. I don't belittle or begrudge those who have a medicalized birth - I think that it is much safer for a woman to have an epidural if her experience of birth pain is excruciating and she is unable to cope. There are also many things that can go wrong in labor that require immediate medical intervention. There is a reason why getting pregnant used to be the most dangerous thing a woman could do!  Before modern medicine your chances of dying in labor were quite high. However, the medicalization of birth has been taken to an extreme in the US and I really dread having to give birth back home next time, unless I can find a birthing center! (I would have a home-birth next time, but our insurance wouldn't cover that.) I am also so lucky to be giving birth in the UK because all my care is completely 100% free. Even though our US insurance covers 100% of "wellness visits" - it only covers 80% of pregnancy and delivery related visits. Because apparently pregnancy is a "condition" and not a natural, normal part of life. So we are saving a lot of money by having this little guy in London at an NHS (National Health Service) hospital.

So I am so thankful to be giving birth here. So thankful that the following birth plan will raise ZERO eyebrows in the hospital birth center.

I AM SO EXCITED TO GIVE BIRTH. I know that sentiment makes many people cringe and innerly (or directly) call me crazy. Fine, think that I am crazy! But I just cannot wait for this empowering, emotional, most uplifting and dramatic moment of my life. Every time I watch a video of a baby being born I tear up. I just cannot wait to meet our baby boy.


Oh, and please excuse the British spelling in the following...

ta-da! here is my...

Birth Plan

Mother: Olivia Stevens
Birth Partner: husband, Chris Stevens

Key points:
-     natural birth, gas & air only
-     water birth
-     GBS positive, wants antibiotics asap
-     SPD
-     Spontaneous pushing
-     No episiotomy
-     delayed cord cutting
-     physiological third stage
-     immediate skin to skin contact
-     immediate breast-feeding

I am GBS positive – I would like antibiotics as soon as possible in labour.

I have SPD and am limited in the movements I can make. I would like to deliver in the water, or on all fours or on my side. If in case of an emergency I need to have an epidural, great care needs to be taken to ensure my legs are moved in parallel and not moved too far apart (my partner has a ribbon marked to how far I can move my legs without pain).

I do not want any medical pain relief, except gas & air. I plan on managing the pain through breathing, visualization, vocalization, massage, and water.

I want to push spontaneously – no directed pushing please.

Crowning – please remind me not to push through crowning. I want to avoid tearing and do not want an episiotomy.

I would like immediate skin to skin contact with my baby immediately after birth.

We want a delayed cord cutting, please wait until the cord has stopped pulsing before cutting the cord.

Physiological third stage of labour – I want to deliver the placenta naturally, please do not give any drugs, and do not use controlled cord traction. If the bleeding has become excessive or the placenta does not deliver naturally within 30 minutes, then we would like to re-evaluate.

I plan on breastfeeding immediately after birth.

Time to start packing...

One of the girls in my NCT class (remember we all have due-dates within 15 days of each other, all in December) gave birth on Sunday. Sunday, November 27th - 3 and a half weeks before her due date!! A due date which is only four days before my own!

This slap in the face of reality reminded me that, hm, yes, my hospital bag is still not completely packed. If I went into labor today I would arrive at the hospital with half the allotted crap I wanted to have. Which would probably not have been the end of the world given my tendency to over-pack and all - but I most certainly would be laboring in the clothes I arrived at the hospital in. Which is not cool according to me, because I want to be laboring in clothes I can throw away afterwards if necessary. (Given the amounts of blood involved in delivery I'm banking on the, yes, it will be necessary. And no, hospitals in England don't give you disposable gowns like they do in fancy American hospitals.) I do already have disposable underwear in there. But I wanted some pairs of cheap black panties too, in case the thought of wearing plastic becomes untenable (it already is somewhat so.) I have straws for drinking, but no tennis balls for massage. I have slippers (cheap hotel ones I can throw out) and flip-flops for the shower, but no towel. I could go on and on. Basically I am unprepared. Except for the baby's bag. The baby's bag is completely set to go! Because his was the most fun to pack, obviously. All those cute little onesies and receiving blankets and hats - oh my! Can I un-pack and re-pack for the fifth time just to ooggle again?

My hospital bags 

*UK edition (in the US you wouldn't need clothes to labor in, or maternity pads, or diapers, because you pay your private hospital bill which includes all those freebies!)

DURING 

Phone and charger

iPad + charger 

camera + charger

power convertor

Glasses

Maternity notes

Many copies of birth plan

One (or two?) pillow(s) from home with not-so-great pillowcase w/ waterproof cover

Small coin purse for vending machines

Hairbands and headband

Chapstick

Back massager (tennis balls!, rolling pin?)

Chewing gum

Warm, comfortable socks that can be thrown out

Very old nightgown or t-shirt & shorts that can be thrown out

Bikini top for birthing pool

Big water bottle

Juice packs and snacks for hubby

Labor massage oil (rose, lavender)

Lavender essence (to dap on tissue)

Tissues

Washcloth

AFTER 

Lanolin

Breast pads/ nursing pads

Nursing bras / tanks

Towel and washcloth

Toiletries (shampoo, conditioner, bodywash, body lotion, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, face moisturizer)

Hairbrush

Deodorant

Flip-flops for shower

Contact lenses and eyedrops

Slippers

Sleeping mask

Zip-up fleece

Old PJ pants and button up shirt

Maternity pads

Disposable underwear AND cheap cotton underwear that can be thrown away if nec.

Baby book to record baby’s footprint and vital stats

Going home outfit for me

Make-up

BABY 

Receiving & swaddling blankets

Hat

Diapers

Cotton wool (aka jumbo sized cotton balls, for cleaning baby's bum)

Going home outfit (a baseball sleeper! so cute, must assert American-ness from day 1)

Baby onesies and sleepers (3 of each)

Scratch mitts

Bib

Burp cloths

Snowsuit (one fleece for a warmer winter day, one intense fluffiness for a colder day)

Socks

Infant sleeping bag

Wasn't that a fun list?? Now I get to go finish packing... because seriously... in one week EXACTLY I will be full-term. FULL TERM! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? THAT MEANS I COULD GO INTO LABOR ANY DAY! ANY. DAY. Phew. Fun, scary, exciting times. 

I can't wait to meet baby boy.

All About the Boobs... what I've learned about feeding my baby

This past month Chris and I have been taking a great antenatal class in our local neighborhood. (Antenatal is apparently a very British term, I'm thinking the American term equivalent would be birth class?) The classes are run by a national charity called the National Childbirth Trust, and though the classes were not free, or cheap, they were pretty informative, helpful, and most importantly, we met some great other new parents. There were eight other couples, all of us have due dates within 15 days of each other, and we all live within 1/2 hour of each other. (One of the couples lives literally right around the corner!) Class was also like a mini UN - Greek, Australian, Portuguese, New Zealander, Iranian, American, and only half British. And although I felt the coverage of labour and delivery was scanty and repetitive (there was no discussion of the third stage of delivery or perineal massage, much to my dismay), the information on breast-feeding was VERY helpful. This makes sense because our instructor - a middle-aged bourgeoise hippie who lay on the floor moaning in fake-labour pain at least once a class - is a lactation consultant.

Useful facts about breast-feeding:

 - Newborn babies need to feed at least once every three hours. You shouldn't try to schedule the baby's feedings, except you should set an alarm to go off every three hours in the night so that if your baby doesn't wake on his or her own to feed you can wake them.

- After baby is done feeding on one breast you should always offer the other. Then start with that breast the next feeding.

- A baby doesn't need to feed for a certain amount of time. But if your baby is at your breast for 45- 1 hour, he probably isn't latched properly. When babies don't latch properly they don't get as much milk, and your boobs get unnecessarily sore.

- Your nipples shouldn't hurt when baby is breast-feeding. If they do, he isn't latched on properly.

- Baby's head should always be tilted BACK when feeding. (Do this now. Put your chin to your chest and try to open your mouth and swallow. Go ahead, do it! How does that feel?)

- Don't support baby's head when feeding either, just hold them very snug and firm against your body.

- It is really important that baby's first experience with feeding be positive. Right after birth, let them lay against your chest and find your nipple on their own - don't force them on or let a midwife/nurse force them on. We watched a video of a newborn lying on his mom's chest immediately after birth and he just instinctively crawled his little head towards her nipple - it is amazing!

- If feeding your newborn every two hours (or more) seems excessive, think of it this way.... When was the last time you put anything in your mouth today? Even a sip of water? Because breast-milk is baby's everything... and with a stomach the size of a walnut in the first weeks, it makes sense they get hungry and thirsty at least every two hours!

- Crying is a last resort for hunger. Look for rooting with the mouth, putting hands in mouth, general restlessness - and try to feed before he cries.

- The WHO and all other major health groups recommend exclusive breast-feeding (no formula!) for 6 months. Only 1-2% of British women do this.

- Frequent feeding through the night is really important for establishing a good milk supply so that you can successfully feed for those six months (and beyond.)

- At six months, solids can start to be introduced but you should still be breast-feeding too.


I feel very lucky to be able to be unemployed through the first year of little boy's life. I don't know how I would cope with leaving him after 3 months' (or even 6 months!) maternity leave. I also don't know how I could possibly exclusively breast-feed if I had to go back to work after 3 months! I don't think it's possible, unless you pump and store your milk every couple of hours while at work. My mom swears she exclusively breast feed me when she started going back to work when I was 3 months old, but then I asked her, well didn't you supplement with formula? and she said she couldn't really remember. She didn't pump at work, but would run home during her lunch break to feed me, and then would race home every evening early. Sounds too hard! I'm so lucky, this I know.