Feeling helpless

blog entry

Feeling helpless

I'm currently suffering from experiencing SPD. What, never heard of it before? I hadn't either... When you're pregnant your body produces a lot of the hormone relaxin, which (in a rare case of a medical term sounding like what it does) relaxes the ligaments that hold your joints together. Although this is all in preparation for birthing that large baby head out through your pelvic bones, your body starts pumping out the relaxin in your first trimester - well before baby is ready to come out.

All this is well and  good and  most  pregnant women dont have any problems with the relaxin overkill. But If you are - like me - naturally flexible and not sporting super duper pilates-instructor-style abdominal  and back muscles, then your already loose hip and pelvic bones find themselves very loosened without strong core muscles to provide back-up assistance. 

Most women dont get SPD until 36 weeks or so. I'm one of the lucky ones who started getting it at 20 weeks in the form of excruciating hip pain at night. This past week I've been getting pain right along where a panty line would be whenever I walk faster than a plodding 2-mile-an-hour or when I do something I shouldn't be doing anyway (like lifting a moderately heavy shopping bag, trying to vacuum, or reaching for something on a high shelf.) 

Right now I'm on an airplane home to visit family and friends - and traveling alone. And I feel so helpless! I had to transfer in Paris and there were stairs down to the concourse off the plane. I have a rolling suitcase with me that I obviously can't carry. A nice man carried it for me without my asking. But a next set of stairs found me pleading with an already over burdened father for help. It's not even heavy! And I have to walk so slowly.... If my non-pregnant self were behind me now on a sidewalk I would complain about how slow this lady was walking!!! 

And at the carnival yesterday... Oi vey what a nightmare. When I thought I would have to walk another 20 minutes (after having walked very slowly for about an hour) I burst into tears. My hips were hurting so badly. We finally got on a bus that was moving more slowly than the foot traffic on the sidewalk. This kind of situation annoys my non-pregnant self ("we should have walked!) but my pregnant self was SO happy to be sitting I could have kissed the bus driver.

I kissed my beloved husband instead - the one who found us the bus in the first place and deals with a hysterical pained pregnant lady with a remarkably stoic level of grace.

He also took me and my 50 lb bag to the airport this morning at 5am (a trip which involves 4 hours roundtrip on public transportation.) yet another example of how helpless I am right now - and also of how blessed I am to have such a wonderful man by my side in life.